just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
My legs feel like baby dolphins
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
