Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
