I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Is it because I queefed?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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