Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
