I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
All the doctor said was why
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize