the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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