you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
