You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
