benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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