I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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