peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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