Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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