Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
