he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
