i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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