I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
