will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I am available for nakedness
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
