he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
