Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
