she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Too much gin, very little bucket
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Randomize
