my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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