my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
