He asked to "fluff my boner.."
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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