I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
