Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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