This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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