Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
