it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
