even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Randomize
