a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
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