Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
