don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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