Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
