After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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