I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
