Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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