halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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