He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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