Tell her she can't have a vagina
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize