Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
