The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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