Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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