My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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