I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
