I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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