So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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