I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
