I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
why do cheetos always look like penises
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
