I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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