You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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