someone threw a dead crab at me
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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