shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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