Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Randomize
