yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
