There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
