I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
