At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
