Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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