this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize