this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
