she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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