I want to make a zoo with you.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
babies were throwing up all over the place
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
