Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
