I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
