Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
