have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
