My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize